midlife. third wife. it's charmed.

just what Midlife ordered

Take my advice. I’m not using it.

One of my BFF’s and I give each other Midlife advice all the time.  I suspect that we are actually giving the same advice to each other, but sometimes you just need to hear it from someone else for it to make sense.  And you need wine.  Wine helps.

So some tips:

1. FORGET THE SAYING THAT AGE IS JUST A NUMBER.  Well, no shit age is a number, but that number is NOT 25, and so, no you cannot touch your toes without stretching everyday or throwing your back out.  And, no you can’t drink wine until 2AM and show up the next day and run a marathon without passing out or puking.  Forget it.  Now.

2. Give Advice.  At this point in your life, you have been in almost every situation and have had every problem in the book (and please see #3 on Rogaine as example).  So use it.

3. Don’t take yourself so damn seriously.  Everyone is too worried about themselves to be worried about what you are doing.  Another BFF told me that after she had a medical procedure that resulted in blood loss and thus hair loss, she had to use men’s Rogaine for 6 months twice a day.  And she was cracking up. CRACKING UP OVER IT.  Come on people, you can do it, too.

4. Talk to Old People.  Now, I know you are old people, but talk to people older than you.  You will get a good laugh, especially if they are anything like my 94-year-old grandfather.

5. Use.  Your.  Instincts.  Like a wild animal, you likely would not have survived this long without them, so use them and use them often.

6. Love Yourself.  After all, you are getting old and you never know who you will outlast or who will outlast you.  As my grandfather says, “I am the only old person that I have left these days.”

7. GET A DOG. Because by now, you hate people.  They also help you to get outside and exercise.

8. Create a bucket list.  Just make sure that bucket is big enough to pee in when you are old and have spent all your money on said list.

9. Forgive, Forget and Run.  That whole life is short thing?  Forgive your parents/teachers/whoever, Forget your High School Boyfriend/Girlfriend and get the hell out of the house and exercise.

10. Take your parent’s advice.  Finally.



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